Comedy Central's Election Headquarters: "Every four years, tens of dozens of Americans line up in front of antique, steam-powered voting booths to elect a new emperor. And every four years, Comedy Central heroically covers this mutant cross between a really boring circus, a national popularity contest, and a post-apocalyptic Thunderdome.

Can't decide which slick, promise-breaking fat cat to vote for? That's what we're here for. Welcome home, patriotic citizen - we feel your pain."